An invitation to a mental health life events function and my life's RSVP to repression, stress, being valueless and panic that comes with it. Follow the journeys in this blog …

In being so shy and introverted at a very young age not only made me a star pupil, it also made me a target. By the time I was seven I had become the quiet, fat, kid with glasses. I was raised to find the best traits in others and to keep your mouth shut when you couldn’t say anything nice about someone. That’s not such a bad way to be raised but it sure leaves you vunerable. Not only was I picked on and bullied by peers, I was also bullied by older students that I had never spoken with. I already hated school and now I had to deal with this? What was wrong with me? What had I done to deserve this kind of treatment?

Knock Knock. Who’s There? Life. Life Who? Low-life and I have brought my friend Life-strife. I was not diagnosed with mental issues until sixteen; however, the school bullies started at seven and went right on through high school. I came home almost every day from school, went straight to my room, shut the door, did my homework and cried.

Now you may ask where were your parents in this? They were there and yes I did tell them about the bullies. They told me to “ignore them, and things would get better”. Red flag! That advice didn’t work for me. Things did not get better and ignoring them did not stop the bullying. By the time I was a senior in high school I had many names such as four-eyes, fatty, jumbo, fugly, teacher’s pet, nerd, waste of space,,, I am not going to go on but you get it. It was awful. I didn’t have to legally change my name the bullies did that for me.

Throughout school I asked for help from teachers, guidance counselors, and principals. Nothing changed except I now not only hated school, I hated me. They caused me to go into mental overload, and I have found that can be processed in two big ways… either you go inside your shell and try to hide from the world, or you act out on the world in a fight to save your sanity and self-worth. So now I had given myself another name – turtle. I have been asked by others what my views on suicide are. Now I have been told that people that commit suicide are weak and will end up in hell. I do not believe that at all. I believe that suicidal people are tired and not weak. They have just reached the point of breaking from mental and societal problems. It is my hope that people will seek professional help before reaching this point. Bullies need to be held accountable for their actions and also need counseling to find out what causes the bullying. I feel that until parents, schools, and society as a whole decides to take bullying as a serious issue that needs to be addressed people (especially children) will continue to suffer.

I did find a few things that helped one was faith. I prayed for things to get better and figured that through faith these bullies would either become better in their lives or have to answer in some way for what they did. The second thing that helped was finding things that took my mind off the bullies and their engrained actions. That was my love of art. To this day, that has always been and always will be one of the most important aspects of my life. Through my art, I can convey emotions, actions, make statements, and let the negativity go. The third thing was a sense of humor. I find it better to try to laugh in the face of adversity. If others laugh with you and not at you it makes it even better. It is not how many times you fall but how many times you can get back up and humor has helped me to do that. The last thing, and this I still struggle with, is forgiveness. It is a struggle for me because life keeps knocking on my door with outside parties that are coming in and causing me large, negative life changing consequnces (mentally and physically). There are some that I have forgiven and some that I have not. This is my choice. Yes, it does make me feel better to forgive others, but I don’t feel that people should get away with hurting or abusing others knowingly. That is abusive!

Wake up world. The act of bullying should not be a norm, but it has quickly become just that. Don’t be a bully and don’t tolerate it. I hope people that are being bullied will seek help from loved ones and professionals. There are people that care! Avoid being a bully dozer!