An invitation to a mental health life events function and my life's RSVP to repression, stress, being valueless and panic that comes with it. Follow the journeys in this blog …

After graduating college my life finally seemed to be getting better. I had acquired a full time job, could afford an apartment, met some friends that were more like family, and had met a man that I thought would become my husband. Two years of fairly smooth sailing! Then there was that familiar knock at the door. My father used to tell me to expect the unexpected and you would never be surprised, but never told me how to prevent the unexpected from happening. Here’s my truth about that… you can’t prevent it from happening. That’s life. It happens. It is in how you handle things that will make the difference and what you learn along the way.

I was living in Columbia, SC and working at a print shop when the events of 9/11 occured. How does the tragic bombing in NYC not only bring down the twin towers, but brings down my entire life? The print shop’s backers were in the twin towers. We lost them all. The shop managed to stay afloat for several months, but the layoffs started coming. The company was put up for sale and there were a handful of employees left. I considered myself fortunate because I still had a job. However, my significant other, who also worked there, was laid off. Now we are down to one income and trying to manage the bills while looking for alternate employment opportunities. The shop was purchased by another print shop owner in the area and we were told that we would be kept on. I was so happy to hear that because, as hard as it was, one income was better than nothing. It would also give me time to help him find a job. The panic attacks and nightmares started to ease up. About a month later the rest of us were laid off by the new owner.

Now we had no income, very little saved, and the bills kept coming. We did alright for a few months, but the job market was poor in the area and we had to make some big decisions. Here is where the fight or flight response comes into play and this happens a lot to me. I was ready to give it my all, take any job, and do what I needed to do make this situation better. I am a fighter, but to my surprise he was not. We talked about different options and he decided on packing and moving back to his home state. I tried and tried to come up with another solution with no success. We packed and eventually parted ways. I drove back to my parents home with a broken heart and a tear stained face. It was time to start over again. I tend to look at my life as a big book and when one chapter ends it is time for another to begin.

It hurts so much when life slaps you right across the face, but I have learned for me it is the big upsets in life that trigger panic attacks, anxiety,and emotional mood swings. I do not hold in feelings any longer. Sometimes I will cry for extended periods of time but it is the part of me that is trying to work out the hurt prior to starting again. I do not want to hold onto that pain but overcome it to the point where it is manageable. I don’t expect the hurt to go completely away anymore because I have experienced it and it is in my memories, but I can learn from it and hope to improve my actions and/or reactions. Don’t hide it but deal with it! Even when I am worn down to the point of feeling I can’t do this I will push to find the strength to continue. It’s never easy to do for me but it is necessary because I want more than anything to help others understand mental illness does not totally consume a person. Yes, I need help to achieve my plans and goals but that’s okay. There are people out there that want to help. I remember to stay strong and ask for help and learn how to deal with the downturns in life! This is a prime example of what I can do when life brings misfortune.